My Living Will: Take Medicare Down, FOR ME!

My Living Will

I set forth the following as instructions to my family and caregivers, and the taxpayers of the United States of America, to be followed in the event that I should become unable to express my own wishes on the subject of medical treatment.

Should I be afflicted with Alzheimer’s, stroke, brain damage, or other debility, I direct Medicare, doctors and hospitals to keep me alive by mechanical devices, pharmaceuticals or treatments, regardless of the cost. No expense is to be spared. No matter how many years I have been comatose, provide me with the best and latest. Allow no infection, influenza or pneumonia to cause my demise. I want every possible action to be undertaken. Do not “not resuscitate”. If my organs or joints weaken, replace them. For example, even if I show no interest in walking, I insist on hip and knee replacements.

Provide me with advanced lenses and hearing aids even if my body has long since lost sensory perception. Feed me, oxygenate me. Whatever can be done must be done.

My children are not to be burdened by the cost. I expect them to mask my fortune so that it may not be sacrificed for the expense. The kids are to have their inheritances.

If the executors named in my trust documents resign and no one can be found to carry out the dictates of this will, I name Nancy Pelosi, or the successor to her current post, from her political party.

I demand this. I expect the full force of the budget of the United Sates of America to be brought to bear on my behalf. Even if the costs seem too high, pursue whatever measures can be conceived. Such measures could extend to repealing the Emancipation Proclamation, nationalizing the income of all rock stars and sport heroes, or selling the fighter jets of the United States Air Force to Osama Bin Laden.

This is my living will. The people are bound to it, by my demand.

Signed, Sealed, and Witnessed:

Thomas L. Burnett


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