The Complete Environmentalist; a Guide for the Earth-holy. Paragons of environmental virtue.

As I put out the garbage this morning, I noticed the size of our neighbors’ garbage cans. True environmentalists would not produce so much garbage. They would have smaller cans. They would not simply recycle newspapers, they would cancel their subscription. They would not read newspapers.

So many lists of ideas for saving the earth are passe. They are weak sauce. They are impotent. According to common wisdom, only reducing resource use can save the planet. And the pinnacle ways to do that are to shut down ordinary life.

Instead of purchasing an energy saving big screen, abjure TV-watching altogether.

Instead of buying a Prius, abstain from automobile use. Stay home.

Instead of turning off the lights when you leave a room, do not use lights. When the sun goes down, quit reading and cooking, and curtail all activities that require eyesight.

Instead of turning down the heat a few degrees, stay cold by turning off the heater altogether.

Could you give up washing?

 

Instead of carrying a cotton, or hemp, bag to the grocery store to save on plastic bags, buy only products that have no packaging and carry them home in your hands.

 

Aborigines

Aborigines

 

From a website article, 101 ways to Heal the Earth, we have what you see below. I’ve supercharged some of the suggestions, in keeping with my theme above. My supercharging is in bold.

1. Insulate your home. Rather, stay cold.

2. Buy energy-efficient appliances. Rather, do without appliances when yours break down.

3. Caulk and weatherstrip doors and windows.

4. Install storm windows.

5. Close off unused areas in your home from heat and air conditioning. Rather, stay cold in winter, hot in summer.

6. Wear warm clothing and turn down winter heat. Rather, just be cold. Buying warm clothing consumes resources.

7. Switch to low-wattage or fluorescent light bulbs. Rather, give up reading.

8. Turn off all lights that don’t need to be on.

9. Use cold water instead of hot whenever possible.

10. Opt for small-oven or stove-top cooking when preparing small meals. Rather, eat only foods that can be masticated without cooking.

11. Run dishwashers only when full. Dishwashers are for rich, insensitive, earth-despising boors. Junk yours.

12. Set refrigerators to 38°F, freezers to 5°F, no colder. Who needs a refrigerator? Cracked corn and other simple foods require no cooling.

13. Run clothes washers full, but don’t overload them. Rather, refrain from washing clothes, unless in open streams.

14. Use moderate amounts of biodegradable detergent. Rather, don’t launder.

15. Air-dry your laundry when possible.

16. Clean the lint screen in clothes dryers.

17. Instead of ironing, hang clothes in the bathroom while showering.

18. Take quick showers instead of baths. Rather, stay oily and grimy. It’s authentic. It’s pheromonic.

19. Install water-efficient showerheads and sink-faucet aerators.

20. Install an air-assisted or composting toilet.

21. Collect rainwater and graywater for gardening use.

22. Insulate your water heater. Turn it down to 121°F. Rather, turn it off.

23. Plant deciduous shade trees that protect windows from summer sun but allow it in during the winter.

24. Explore getting a solar water heater for your home. Rather, quit demanding hot water.

25. Learn how to recycle all your household goods, from clothing to motor oil to appliances.

26. Start separating out your newspaper, other paper, glass, aluminum, and food wastes.

27. Encourage your local recycling center or program to start accepting plastic.

28. Urge local officials to begin roadside pickup of recyclables and hazardous wastes.

29. Encourage friends, neighbors, businesses, local organizations to recycle and sponsor recycling efforts.

30. Use recycled products, especially paper. Rather, quit writing and communicating.

31. Re-use envelopes, jars, paper bags, scrap paper, etc.

32. Bring your own canvas bags to the grocery store.

33. Encourage local governments to buy recycled paper.

34. Start a recycling program where you work.

35. Limit or eliminate your use of “disposable” items.

36. Urge fast-food chains to use recyclable packaging.

37. Avoid using anything made of plastic foam. It is often made from CFCs, and it never biodegrades.

38. If your car gets less than 35 mpg, sell it, buy a small fuel-efficient model, and spend whatever money you save on home energy efficiency. Rather, quit going places.

39. Maintain and tune up your vehicle regularly for maximum gas mileage. See #38.

40. Join a car pool or use public transport to commute. See #38.

41. Write to automobile manufacturers to let them know that you intend to buy the most fuel efficient car on the road. See #38.

42. Reduce your use of air conditioning. Rather, stay hot in summer.

43. Encourage auto centers to install CFC recycling equipment for auto air conditioners. Freon is released during servicing to become both a greenhouse gas and an ozone layer destroyer.

44. Remove unnecessary articles from your car. Each 100 lbs. of weight decreases fuel efficiency by 1%. See #38.

45. Don’t speed; accelerate and slow down gradually. See #38.

46. Walk or use a bicycle whenever possible. See #38. Even bicyles consume resources. Walking does too, it burns calories that have to be supplied from human consumption, eating. So stay home. Don’t go places.

47. Urge local governments to enact restrictions on automobile use in congested areas downtown.

48. Enjoy sports and recreational activities that use your muscles rather than gasoline and electricity. Rather, quit enjoying things.

49. Buy products that will last. Rather, buy no products.

50. Rent or borrow items that you don’t use often.

51. Maintain and repair the items you own.

52. Use colored fabrics to avoid the need for bleach. Be unconcerned. By not laundering, the concern vanishes.

53. Use natural fiber clothing, bedding and towels.

54. Don’t buy aerosols, halon fire extinguishers, or other products containing CFCs.

55. Write to computer chip manufacturers and urge them to stop using CFC-113 as a solvent.

56. Invest your money in environmentally and socially conscious businesses.

57. Avoid rainforest products, and inform the supplier or manufacturer of your concerns.

58. Use postcards instead of letters for short messages. Rather, quit communicating.

59. Eat vegetarian foods as much as possible. Meat makes less efficient use of land, soil, water, and energy – and cows emit 300 liters of methane per day.

60. Buy locally produced foods; avoid buying foods that must be trucked in from great distances. Rather, produce all your own food.

61. Read labels. Eat organic or less-processed foods.

62. Start a garden; plant a garden instead of a lawn

63. Water the garden with an underground drip system.

64. Support organic farming and gardening methods; shun chemical fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides.

65. Compost kitchen and garden waste, or give it to a friend who can.

66. Inform schools, hospitals, airlines, restaurants, and the media of your food concerns.

67. Stay informed about the state of the Earth.

68. Talk to friends, relatives, and co-workers about preventing global climate change.

69. Read and support publications that educate about long-term sustainability (like this one). Rather, don’t read any paper publications.

70. Start a global climate change study group. But only if people can attend on foot power. No motive travel allowed.

71. Educate children about sustainable living practices.

72. Xerox this list and send it to ten friends.

73. Go on a citizen diplomacy trip and talk with those you meet about averting global climate change. Rather, don’t go on trips. Stay home from Copenhagen.

74. Get involved in local tree-planting programs.

75. Join an environmental organization. If they’re not involved with climate change, get them involved.

76. Support zero population growth. Rather, forswear having any progeny.

77. Support work to alleviate poverty. Poverty causes deforestation and other environmental problems.

78. Donate money to environmental organizations.

79. Support programs that aim to save rainforest areas.

80. Support solar and renewable energy development. Rather support zero-energy consumption, as in cave living.

81. Work to protect local watershed areas.

82. Pave as little as possible. Rip up excess concrete. But only with your bare hands.

83. Encourage sewage plants to compost their sludge.

84. Write your senator now in support of S. 201, the World Environment Policy Act. Rather, don’t use paper and postage.

85. Write your congressperson now in support of H.R. 1078, the Global Warming Prevention Act. See #84.

86. Support disarmament and the redirection of military funds to environmental restoration.

87. Write letters to the editor expressing your concern about climate change and environmental issues.

88. Support electoral candidates who run on environmental platforms.

89. Run for local office on an environmental platform.

90. Attend city council meetings and speak out for action on climate change issues. Be sure to walk.

91. Organize a citizens’ initiative to put a local “climate protection program” into place.

92. Learn how to lobby. Lobby your local, state, and national elected officials for action on climate change and environmental issues.

93. Organize a demonstration at a plant that uses CFCs.

94. In place of TV and the stereo, spend time reading, writing, drawing, telling stories, making music. Only the last two are ok for paragons. The first three require resources.

95. Live within the local climate as much as possible, rather than trying to isolate yourself from it. Right on. This means staying cold in winter, hot in summer.

96. Strive to establish good communications with friends, neighbors and family including learning conflict resolution skills.

97. Spend time seeing, hearing, and rejoicing in the beauty of the Earth. Feel your love for the Earth. Make serving the Earth your first priority.

98. Learn about the simpler, less resource-intensive lifestyles of aboriginal peoples. This list-maker is advocating cave living, naked wandering.

99. Think often about the kind of Earth you would like to see for your grandchildren’s grandchildren. Thinking requires no resources. Fine. Except that thinking involves a human being whose maintenance requires resources. Suicide could solve that. Or mass war and pestilence.

100. While doing small things, think big. Think about redesigning cities, restructuring the economy, reconceiving humanity’s role on the Earth. Such reconceiving includes the radical suggestion put forth by some that humans have no place on the planet.

101. Pray, visualize, hope, meditate, dream.

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